I have lived, loved and lost throughout my sixty-six years of life, only to realize the view has not changed just have different participants in it. It is only because of my heartfelt faith in God which allows me to say, “My Life is not another sad love song!” You may ask. "What do you mean by that?" Well, I’m glad you asked, now Honesty can speak!
You see, from what I’ve been told, I was born with an agape-spirit of love. I’m described as a child who showed affection and was friendly to everyone. My smile was welcoming and accepting. Character was polite and gentle. As I grew up with sisters and brothers, I doted on them with love, care and would never return them harm in response regardless to how often they physically or verbally, hurt or harmed me.
Not that I could explain to anyone why, it just was not an option mentally or emotionally for me. I would cry and reprimand kids in the neighborhood that “forced” me to physically defend myself or my siblings. Kids would want to fight me or not be my friend for no other reason than, “I was too nice.” Or they would say, “can’t explain it, it’s just how you are!” So, for most of my childhood, teenage, and young adult life, I accepted the fact that there was something strange about me. I did not “fit in.”
There were times I prayed and wanted to show anger and rage against those that abused me sexually, physically, and verbally. The rage never showed up. Often, I begged God to give me hatred for those who, per the world moral standards, deserve it! My heart would hurt, and I felt betrayed by my very birth. Where is it written that I am not allowed to feel this rage, to perpetrate deliberate hurt to those that hurt me? Life was not fair! I stood alone in mental anguish, questioning "Why."
As years passed, I aged from teen through adulthood, the tides turned against me as my good intentions and caring was overshadowed by false accusations and hurtful statement from people. It seemed no matter how well-meaning my actions, I was labeled as hateful, mean, and conniving. It was mind-boggling to me, how the actions of helping someone across the street could be interpreted as seeking harm to the individual. Sound far-reaching, but a true enactment! There is a lot of crazy stories in my “pocketbook”!
As you can imagine, I cried a lot. Not understanding how I could be identified with such characterizations and offenses. It was as if my requesting God to allow me to show or feel anger and rage invited these negative spirits into my “world”. Instead of me personally taking on these negative attributes, the negative attributes were trying to destroy me physically, mentally and spiritually through others. It almost did! I was lonely and craved to be understood and to receive the love that I showed to others. I smiled though!
You may think, I would have become a recluse or hermit of sorts. But no! I fought back in the only way I knew how, with more love! I refused to be overcome with defeat. Believing that “one day” people would really see me as I truly am! I love unconditionally all of God’s creations. The inspired Word of God was my blue print, and I believed the greatest fruit of the Spirit is LOVE. AGAPE LOVE!
I went beyond what was decidedly normal through my entrepreneurial business, ministry work, and personal involvement, to help everyone I met. Assisting many in administratively starting their ministries, offering job opportunities, networking blessing by undercharging in fees for services, and assisting others to fulfill their dreams by freely giving them my unlimited expertise and knowledge as support. My only motive was to assist everyone who wanted the opportunity to succeed in building and growing their dream. That was my showing of agape love!
After all that committed effort, many are asking and wonder today, if it was worth it? Many may be wondering, if my office wall is filled with plaques, awards, or “Thank you” referrals, and acknowledgement? Booking engagements? My answer is no, it’s not! I have some from the federal and city governments contracts. A few letters of thanks from clients. The fact is, what’s most rewarding and cherished by me, God has kept me! God knew what was best for me and did not grant my wish to be hateful, mean or conniving, revengeful or filled with rage. God has supplied all of my needs and many of my wants! He has never left me to be destroyed by the negative spirits. He did what He said He would do – “Never leave me, uphold me with his righteousness, love me unconditionally, be my provider, healer and deliverer!” When the enemy came to destroy me I found help – Isaiah 59:3b “..When the enemy shall come in like a flood, the Spirit of the Lord shall lift up a standard against him.”
No, this is not another sad love song! It is a song of Hope! Be encouraged, no matter what the world try to say you are, no matter what comes to try to destroy you, no matter, no matter, no matter! Only what you do for Christ is eternal and everlasting. You are who God say you are! Trust God! Don’t be afraid to show Agape love to God’s creations. Your most cherished reward will be etched in the Book of Life to read, “Well done my good and faithful servant!”
*Thank you to my niece, Janice Brown. Thanksgiving 2016 show of love re-ignited me.